Thursday, October 28, 2004
i like to sit and daydream. (:
wat a night..long time nv cry so hard le..it was terrible..went out wif tiac, teh lan and my laogong..go plaza la-kopi..den slack around..went to eat..and den later see tiac they all bowl lo..so sian..it was late..reach hm bout 12.20am. the moment i step hm..the battle start..the war was terrible..although i'm used to use..but it was different this time..i had gor and my laogong to help mi thru..thanx for toking to mi and helping mi..for the 18yrs of my life..i didnt hear the word before..it was a shock to mi...it was an impact on mi..i was hurt..i was shot..wat i can onli do is hid under the warm blanket and cry my heart out..onli wif my hp to accompany mi..made my pillow wet..made tissues all around..but i cried silently..i dun wanna let them noe..i dun wanna show them tat i'm so weak..i always like to put up the strong front infront of them..i duno why..maybe i juz dun like ppl to see how weak i can be..i might be cheerful and strong or clever(like gor say..)but..deep inside i'm easily hurt..i cant believe wat happen..i'm so tired..i'm so tired of how i am and how life is..
i'm a failure..failure in studies..failure in bowling..failure in relationships..failure in family..wat CAN I DO?? wAT AM I?? i really dunno.......i onli can see frens as my closest..dun they understand tat i cant haf a heart-talk with them?? they say i come up wif all sorts of reasons..isnt those wat u wanna hear and wat u wan from me???!!!! in your eyes i'm a failure..i'm always the REAL-LIFE example of how a FAILURE can be..always taking mi to tell my bro how i am..how i've done i nmy exams or how i behaved before..wat i am i to you?? juz somebody u can compare and show tat i'm someone who nobody shd follow?? i dun understand...dun u ppl noe u've hurt my feeling?????
onli my frens..close frens i can tok to..ppl who i can trust..hoping they dun betray my trust..hai..i'm really tired..
woke up wif my eyes sore and big..cant lift my eyelid..feel so tired and restless..wanted to go wif tiac to see mich..but guess i'm not going out wif wat happen and how i look now..hai..i'm so sick..so sian..
last nite saw him..he look kinda disgusting now..haha..i agree wif my laogong..he where got shuai..=P
now..go out also muz worry..sorrie i might be dragging my frens along...really sorrie..guess trust takes time ba..but i still dunno how to make them trust mi..i noe how to take care of myself..and i noe wat kinda frens i mix with K!
guess some ppl juz pissed others off rite jing..diff ppl diff charc ba..wat to do..live wif it lo..we still got a long time haha..so bear with it ba..hehe..
selection starts tml hai..no confidence at all..bowl yday thumb start to pain again..wrong again?? i'm worried. i'm scared. i'm terrified.
星语心愿 (star talk--gor for you..i've translated it thru my lang.)
我要控制我自己 (I had to control myself)
不会让谁看见我哭泣 (dont wanna let others see mi cry)
装作漠不关心你 不愿想起你 (acting like i dun care for you..not tink bout you)
怪自己没勇气 (blaming on myself for being timid)
* 心痛得无法呼吸 (the pain is overlapping my breath)
找不到你留下的痕迹 (cant find the footsteps you left)
眼睁睁的看着你 却无能为力 (onli can stare at the blank)
任你消失在世界的尽头 * (letting you vanish in the deep end)
找不到坚强的理由 (cant find a reason to be strong)
再也感觉不到你的温柔 (cant feel your tenderness anymore)
告诉我星空在那头 (take me to the stars)
那里是否有尽头 (tell mi if the end is there)
Repeat * #
就向流星许个心愿 (wishing upon the stars)
让你知道我爱你 (letting you noe i love you)
3:16 PM
